The World's Best Short Stories: 127 Funny Short Stories About Unbelievable Stuff That Actually Happened by Bill O'Neill

Author:Bill O'Neill [O'Neill, Bill]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2023-09-22T00:00:00+00:00

I’d Take it Over Telemarketing

If you’re pressed to discuss the worst jobs in the world then many options come to mind: a laborer in a developing country, a minimum wage customer service assistant, or a telemarketer. All are unpleasant jobs at many times and aren’t given much credit for how much good they do for society (apart from telemarketers, their job is pointless).

But as difficult or unpleasant as they can be, one can think of very few jobs that are much worse than being a gong farmer.

Heading off any misconception here, the gong farmer has nothing to do with the East Asian percussion instrument “the gong.” Gong here means something very different.

In Medieval Europe, most castles operated with a cesspit. A cesspit is basically a big hole where all the human waste is put; it’s where all the toilets lead to. This is far more sanitary for the “user” of the toilet, as they don’t have to clear out their own business, but it does make the job more unpleasant for someone else. Ultimately, you can put all your waste in a big hole, but what happens when that hole fills up? Well, you call the gong farmer.

They were also known as nightmen and they would come to the castles at night and empty the cesspit and transport the contents away to a prearranged area where it would be buried. Now, the gong farmer is unlikely to come by weekly or maybe not even monthly; cesspits are large, and it takes a long time to fill them. So, the gong farmer may come just once a year in some instances. If you can imagine what that hole must smell like, well then you must have smelt some pretty heinous things in your life.

Gong farmers weren’t in any way admired in society; in fact, many looked down on them, which seems cruel. They were paid by the ton of waste removed, so the amount of physical and grotesque labor involved, only to be looked down on, is somewhat heartbreaking.

Still, at least they’re not telemarketers.

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